I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
