Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
