I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
