i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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