I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
