I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
