I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
