So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
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He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
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Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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