I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
