Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
