She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
