so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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