oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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