All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
