We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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