I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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