Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
