I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
