I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
