I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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