what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
