One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
