sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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