She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
