You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
