Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
