Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
