i permit you to call me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
