Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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