love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
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I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
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Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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