I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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