Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
