If i come over, it means nothing
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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