i was rollin on her like bob the builder
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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