she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
