Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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