i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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