You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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