fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
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Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
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I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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