The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Pants are for mortals
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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