I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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