I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
