The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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