At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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