She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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