Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
