Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
