So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
