i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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