I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
