we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
