I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize