dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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