check it out our google latitudes are spooning
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
