she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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