this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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