Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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