No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
