dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
