i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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