I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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