Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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