he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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