I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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