remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
