glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
