plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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