So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
