just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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