now i know why i became what i already was.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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